That Which Is Not Love

So today I’m absorbed with “That which is not LOVE”. Today is a hard day. Emotional challenges, frustrations, shit to deal with, uncertainty. Disappointment. In a way, today is no different than yesterday. Really, how dramatically does life alter from day to day? Yet inside I shift sooooo much. Inside my brain, thoughts and feelings whirl around like the santa ana winds, whipping me into a frenzy of confusion, pathos and irrationality. Where is love now? Where is the unconditional caring I need in this moment… WHERE?! Today is a day I work for it. It’s a day of small, seemingly feeble and mundane steps at the base of an apparently endless and insurmountable mindset. The deep grooves of habitual thoughts and reactions beckon and taunt while I tremulously, gingerly take steps in a new direction: Towards newfound loving, caring, compassion, any form it takes. I have to find it today. Find it and turn towards it, magnifying it while somehow loosening the grip of those other, familiar reactions. I have to find compassion and feed it to myself for all the ways I get lost. Then, even those familiar, so-called “negative” roads will lead to consciousness just by the way I have acknowledged and cared for myself in those moments. I have to remember that all roads lead home. The formless, experienced as loving, is the foundation of all form. What we know as love is the absence of that which interferes with Loving, colored exquisitely by a thin veil of humanity. I have to literally feel this, beyond conviction to direct knowledge. That’s my true job. I’m foraging alone in the mind wilderness today. Wish me luck and I will do the same for you.